What is my attachment style in relationships?

By Jaesun Yang ’27 • Dec 10, 2025

These days, I’ve been enjoying watching the dating show Transit Love. Whenever I watch it, I get so caught up and excited that I’ve noticed myself becoming quieter in my day-to-day life. Although each dating show has its own concept, many viewers—including myself—can easily observe how the cast behaves and how they respond to the situations they’re placed in. However, when it comes to our own relationships, recognizing our own behavior becomes much more difficult. Experts categorize attachment patterns into three main types, and they use these categories to explain how people behave in relationships. So, do you know your own attachment style? If not, let’s explore it together using examples from cast members I’ve seen on dating shows!

Secure attachment

The person in the photo above is Hye-seon, a female cast member from Single’s Inferno 3. When I think of someone with a secure attachment style, she is the first person who comes to mind. On the show, Hye-seon was portrayed as a bright and positive character, and she is well-known for receiving favorable reactions from many viewers. Although she usually embodies a cheerful image, she expresses her emotions honestly and respectfully when hurt. Moreover, when she developed feelings for someone, she was able to express  them confidently and without hesitation. This direct communication method reflects the essence of a secure attachment style: valuing both oneself and the other person, which  makes it the healthiest attachment type. Like Hye-seon, people with a secure attachment style convey their emotions honestly and gently, whether those emotions are affection, disappointment, or concern. Rather than worrying that expressing themselves might damage the relationship, they actually believe that communicating openly is what helps the relationship grow stronger. One of the most important traits of a secure attachment style is the strong sense of balance in romantic relationships. Because they trust their partner, they don’t become suspicious or anxious as soon as something unexpected happens. At the same time, they avoid behaviors that could confuse or unsettle the other person. Securely attached individuals neither depend excessively on their partner nor keep an unnecessary distance. They believe that both alone time and time together are important, maintaining the relationship in a stable and balanced way. The reason secure attachment appears so healthy is due to a strong sense of self-worth. They fundamentally hold the belief that “I am someone who deserves love,” which is why their self-esteem does not easily crumble because of their partner’s behavior.

Anxious Attachment

As a dating entertainment program, I Am SOLO, Season 16, having cast members with strong and unique personalities often leads a season to become a huge hit with high viewership. In particular, Season 16 of I Am SOLO drew significant attention and curiosity because several cast members showed characteristics of anxious (insecure) attachment. Anxious attachment is the complete opposite of secure attachment. Unlike secure attachment, which shows balance and stability in relationships, people with anxious attachment tend to have a much higher level of relational anxiety. They often have a strong fear that the relationship might drift apart. In other words, although they may appear warm and fine on the surface, deep inside they carry the belief, “Maybe I’m not enough.” Because of this, they react sensitively to small changes in their partner’s tone or facial expression and tend to overinterpret these moments, wondering if they might be signs of trouble in the relationship. As a result, people with anxious attachment have a constant need to confirm that they are loved: if they sense even the slightest shift in their partner’s feelings, their anxiety can escalate rapidly. Many people with anxious attachment experience strong emotional ups and downs. Sadly, this isn’t because their affection is weak, rather it’s often because they feel so deeply that they become easily shaken. Others, unaware of this inner struggle, may mistakenly view them as overly suspicious or demanding. However, people with anxious attachment aren’t negative partners. They care deeply, put effort into the relationship, and love with sincerity—sometimes more than anyone else. So instead of labeling anxious attachment as a “problematic way of loving,” it may be more fitting to describe it as “a clumsy form of love created by someone who loves so much that they wish the relationship could last forever.”

Avoidant attachment style

In the currently airing Transit Love 4 (as of December 4, 2025), there is a couple who, despite dating for as long as seven to eight years, grew increasingly distant as time passed and eventually ended their relationship. When one partner tried to move closer, the other would take a step back, creating a widening emotional gap. We refer to this pattern of behavior as an avoidant attachment style. People with avoidant attachment often appear calm, composed, and independent, giving the impression of being emotionally stable. However, behind this composed exterior lies a deep fear of intimacy. Individuals with this attachment style instinctively regulate distance in moments of closeness, and their behaviors frequently serve as a form of self-protection to avoid the anxiety and instability they feel when a relationship becomes emotionally deep. Because of these tendencies, their partners often experience confusion, wondering, “Why do they suddenly feel so distant?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Such doubts tend to emerge repeatedly, eventually raising questions about the future of the relationship. Moreover, many people with avoidant attachment struggle with expressing their emotions. Even when they genuinely care for someone, articulating those feelings can feel unfamiliar and overwhelming, leading them to unintentionally hide their true emotions at important moments. However, this does not mean that avoidant individuals are incapable of love. They often take relationships seriously, act responsibly when needed, and show warmth in their own unique ways. Still, because their anxiety tends to heighten as intimacy grows, it may take more time and patience for them to build and maintain a stable relationship.

We have now looked at three different attachment styles. So, what is your attachment style? As we wrap up, it is important to remember that there are many kinds of people in the world. Because everyone grows up in different caregiving environments, people form and maintain relationships in a variety of attachment patterns—not just the three we discussed today.

Therefore, I hope you remember that there is no “right” or “wrong” attachment style, and that you continue to dream of a happy and fulfilling relationship.